Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
