Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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