I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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