i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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