I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
