Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
