How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
