Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize