My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Less talking, more tequila
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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