Pappa wants mamma naked
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
