So drunk its hurt
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
