Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
