I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
