I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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