Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
