Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
