It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Randomize
