i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
