Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
