It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
