The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
where are my eyebrows?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
