Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
