Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
