Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
