There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
