are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
