I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize