he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
