As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
