So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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