Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize