it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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