yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
