My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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