i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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