he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
