They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
