ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
