We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
