our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
