whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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