I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
