Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize