are you still at the devil's house?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
