he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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