Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
