how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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