You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
