So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
