There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
