My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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