Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
