So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
