either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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