I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
