Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
