You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
