It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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