So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Randomize
