There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he puts the penis in happiness.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
