Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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