I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We were destined to go to rehab together
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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