You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
