1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
