Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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