I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Randomize
